"Congratulations!" This customarily excites most of the population. On the contrary, I suffered days and nights of headache due to confusion (just exaggerating). In a short span of time, I've gotta make a conclusion. Whether to remain, or to break.
My mind has been inhabited of several things recently. I've been absorbed into streams of thoughts for significant aspects that I've been missing. I am torn between comfort and dynamic; practical and provocative; between what is readily available and something that broadens practical knowledge - where I believe I will excel - but perilously risky. It wouldn't take a genius to identify the superlative choice.
Facts be gathered. Pro's & Con's be intently examined. How I take side is what makes it. Regard. Contemplate. Foresee. Which. Where to go. Decisions.
I worked hard for it, fought for it, which even led me to unimaginable measures to get it. Guilt and remorse were some of my companions. I've done things I couldn't believe I was capable of doing just to get what I wanted. FREEDOM.
There were times when I ask myself, "Why am I still here? I want out." But no. Not yet. Because I haven't yet learned what I needed to learn. Or more like, I was still at the peak of the moment. Feeling and embracing it with an open heart. And I'm glad I was chosen by fate to experience it. I am glad I had to go through all that distress yet addicting experiences. For if not for that, I wouldn't realize how damn strong I am to pull back with high-level of awareness. It was both ecstatic and (a LOT) troublesome adventure with you. I wouldn't exchange that for anything less than extraordinary. It was, on the contrary, simply amazing.
2013. It was when I earned a total freedom from something that belongs to the past. It's why you can't imagine how tearfully happy (Oh, happy is the understatement of the year) I was when I finally acquired it. Then on, I tried doing everything that interests me to make up for the time lost. Or perhaps, I was trying to seek the same stimulating situations which I've gotten myself used to.
On a somber note, I must have shut my doors so tight, fearing I'd lost what I worked hard for, again. Obviously, I might have hurt people unintentionally for the sake of entertaining myself. Experimenting around. Trying to get the real deal out of people without realizing I might have gone overboard for wanting anything challenging to satisfy my flying expectation. And I guess, this is the best time for, ahm, er, can't believe I'm saying this, apologies? LOL! But seriously, if there's one thing I regret, it was being insensitive enough for people who genuinely cared about me.
Year of the Snake was a liberating year. Couldn't ask for more.
As for me, 2013 is to FREEDOM.
JANUARY 1, 2014
Year of the Horse
The original plan was to fly to Baguio City, ALONE. Since I haven't got the liberty to do so, I traveled to Tagaytay instead.
I am no familiar on how to get there by commuting, so I got lost somewhere in Pasay for a while wandering around at 7 PM, January 1, 2014. Then I ran to a random bus holding a sign board "Nasugbu". I was lucky enough to ride the right one. It just departed from the terminal so all seats were occupied. I took the conductor's seat at the very front and said, "Perfect. Just as I imagined".
It was a smooth bus ride to Tagaytay with favorite music on my ears. The main purpose of the whole trip. I had the time that I needed solely for myself. Time to reflect. No distractions. Just me and my thoughts.
Overlooking. Cold night breeze. Strangers. Music. Good books. Just my ideal way to plan 2014.
I went back to Manila the same night and arrived at 1 AM feeling revived. :-)
